I need to become disciplined and treat myself when needed. I need to eat for survival and to discipline my body. I'm not that heavy. I'm not too obese. I CAN jog if I really want to without getting too winded. I CAN push my body harder and do more than just walking around during my lunch time. I am going to switch up my living room today and move my weight bench out to it. I don't care if I have to get rid of my kitchen table to fit everything in that room, damnit.
I haven't been logging my food or exercise either. I may be losing track, but I really don't want to depend on a food and exercise log. I want to depend on myself. I want to make good choices - it's just SO unclear what good choices are anymore! I may see if there's some way to talk to a dietitian. Maybe through work or something. I asked me doctor for a referral, but she told me I would be unable to get it covered by my insurance since I don't have a disease (diabetes or high blood pressure) but obesity is a disease in itself, isn't it?!
Life is just hard right now. I'm uncertain about a lot of things. I have to accept things I don't want to and have the strength to get through it all. I'm sure I'll make it. It's just very hard.