Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Update of Sorts

I haven't posted in a while. I don't want to go back and re-cap what I ate or how I felt each day. I didn't lose anything a week ago. I stayed at 256lbs. I did lose 1lb last week bringing me to 255lbs. But I'm getting very frustrated. I know losing weight isn't easy. Gaining weight seemed to be a whole lot easier. I'm trying to figure out a way to lose weight but not work extra hard at it. I'm confident in what I'm eating most of the time, but I need to evaluate how much I eat in a day. I need to sit down and decide how many servings of each category is recommended. I need to figure out exactly what a serving of that is and eat enough of it in the day. I realize that fat and protein are going to naturally happen through the day. Protein is in everything. I get way too much during the day when I eat protein rich foods (such as soy products).

I need to become disciplined and treat myself when needed. I need to eat for survival and to discipline my body. I'm not that heavy. I'm not too obese. I CAN jog if I really want to without getting too winded. I CAN push my body harder and do more than just walking around during my lunch time. I am going to switch up my living room today and move my weight bench out to it. I don't care if I have to get rid of my kitchen table to fit everything in that room, damnit.

I haven't been logging my food or exercise either. I may be losing track, but I really don't want to depend on a food and exercise log. I want to depend on myself. I want to make good choices - it's just SO unclear what good choices are anymore! I may see if there's some way to talk to a dietitian. Maybe through work or something. I asked me doctor for a referral, but she told me I would be unable to get it covered by my insurance since I don't have a disease (diabetes or high blood pressure) but obesity is a disease in itself, isn't it?!

Life is just hard right now. I'm uncertain about a lot of things. I have to accept things I don't want to and have the strength to get through it all. I'm sure I'll make it. It's just very hard.

1 comment:

Crystal said...

You lost 17 pounds! That's so awesome! :)