Update of Sorts

I haven't posted in a while. I don't want to go back and re-cap what I ate or how I felt each day. I didn't lose anything a week ago. I stayed at 256lbs. I did lose 1lb last week bringing me to 255lbs. But I'm getting very frustrated. I know losing weight isn't easy. Gaining weight seemed to be a whole lot easier. I'm trying to figure out a way to lose weight but not work extra hard at it. I'm confident in what I'm eating most of the time, but I need to evaluate how much I eat in a day. I need to sit down and decide how many servings of each category is recommended. I need to figure out exactly what a serving of that is and eat enough of it in the day. I realize that fat and protein are going to naturally happen through the day. Protein is in everything. I get way too much during the day when I eat protein rich foods (such as soy products).

I need to become disciplined and treat myself when needed. I need to eat for survival and to discipline my body. I'm not that heavy. I'm not too obese. I CAN jog if I really want to without getting too winded. I CAN push my body harder and do more than just walking around during my lunch time. I am going to switch up my living room today and move my weight bench out to it. I don't care if I have to get rid of my kitchen table to fit everything in that room, damnit.

I haven't been logging my food or exercise either. I may be losing track, but I really don't want to depend on a food and exercise log. I want to depend on myself. I want to make good choices - it's just SO unclear what good choices are anymore! I may see if there's some way to talk to a dietitian. Maybe through work or something. I asked me doctor for a referral, but she told me I would be unable to get it covered by my insurance since I don't have a disease (diabetes or high blood pressure) but obesity is a disease in itself, isn't it?!

Life is just hard right now. I'm uncertain about a lot of things. I have to accept things I don't want to and have the strength to get through it all. I'm sure I'll make it. It's just very hard.

Pizza Day

What a busy day! I helped my mom paint in her house for a couple of hours today, went to a craft circle that had a craft swap and had an event this evening. I ate a yummy boca burger for lunch and fell off the "no fast food" wagon when I had pizza tonight. I really wanted pizza. I may regret it tomorrow, but I made sure I had the calories before I ate it. It wasn't that great, either. I need to re-think my pizza day and try making pizza instead of buying it from a pizza place. It doesn't agree with my tummy some times though. Still doing good with the exercise and calories. Hopefully this weigh-in turns out well and I will have found a balance with my food intake.

New Month!

Today I went for a walk at a nature preserve in our area with my boyfriend. I convinced him that walking kinda fast was a good idea. He was having a hard time being able to keep it up for too long so we enjoyed the nature around us until we could walk faster. We also went to the farmer's market. It was nice but the produce was kind of expensive. We didn't end up getting anything, but we did enjoy the atmosphere. I also went to my sister's and had some homemade soup in a bread bowl with fresh pineapple for dessert. It was really yummy! Doing well with my food intake again today and getting outside for exercise is great.

Good Food, Good Friends, Good Times

The highlights of today were taking my daily walk during my lunch time, going to Subway with my sister for my actual lunch and went to an event that showed "The Story of Stuff" which is a very interesting depiction of what "stuff" is made of, how it's made, how we get it, use it and dispose of it. It also shows the social implications of this system. It made me think - which is a good thing - for an overall good day. I didn't go way overboard with my food today and have been doing well this week. I'm keeping it at a comfortable level.

Expected Results

Previous weight: 265lbs

Current weight: 265lbs

Weight lost: 0lbs

I know exactly what happened this week. I ate over 2,000 calories most days and lacked on my exercise. It's really as simple as that. I realize I made some crappy choices. It's all psychological too. I'm sure my body can exercise. It can do more than I think it can.

I walked yesterday and felt so tired afterwards. It was because I was having a negative day and that came off during/after my walk. I am proud to be changing my life and will take it one day or week at a time while giving my mind what it thinks my body needs until I can change that too.

Gloomy Mood (Ice Cream to Save the Day)

I woke up this morning extremely tired. I had a headache when going to be last night and I woke up sleepy. I forgot to weigh-in today. I don't want to do it now because it won't be accurate or consistent with my previous weigh-ins. I will do it tomorrow morning.

I got to work today and was notified that the pet bunny we had for 6.5 years died this morning. He was able to go and enjoy the last month of his life with a family that loved him dearly. I'm very glad for that since he has been kept in a cage since day one with little positive human interaction. RIP.

I did walk today. I walked for 40 minutes. It was a hot day and I was sweaty! I also decided to get some ice cream tonight after dinner. I wasn't in a gloomy mood all day. I felt happy about my sweet treat decision and enjoyed it.

Back to the Grind

You know - even though I had to work today, I do so much better with food intake while I'm at work. I've decided that I'm going to increase my calories. There's no reason to keep them so low. I will keep them under 2,000 a day. I won't take into account any of the exercise I do when it comes to my calorie intake. I don't really know how many calories I'm truly burning so I can't depend on a guesstimate.

I've also determined that psychologically - I need to eat one "sweet" thing a day that is within my calorie limit. Today I had an individual bag of mini oreos (130 calories). I don't know why I feel like I want it. I'm sure it's not my body telling me it needs it. It's just reassuring to know that I CAN have it if I decide I want it and it's within reason.

I ate a bowl of cereal after dinner today too. Some times I don't feel like I get enough food throughout the day. I eat constantly - ever 2-3 hours or so, but between lunch and dinner I get very hungry. Most days I spread out my lunch so there isn't much time between anything, but I have felt like I haven't been getting enough. So this past week I went crazy and ate TOO much. Today is the start of this experiment. So far so good!

Changing My Life

While I want to get healthy and lose my extra fat, I frequently find that I need to change many things in my life to make me happy. I constantly change things. I don't know if it's good or bad, but it's what I do. I decided that I need to further my education.

I currently have a Bachelor Degree, but I need to move on to a Master Degree to be happy with myself and move into a higher level of administrative potential. I'm not secure enough in myself and the economy to change my job situation or demand a substantial raise.

I'm slowly but surely helping my body back to where I need it to be. I will also keep my mind running through the classes I'm going to be taking. It's all about mind and body and I want to make sure both are where I want them to be. It should be an interesting adventure!

Weekend Slump

All too often I find myself becoming extremely lazy on the weekends. I don't exercise - mostly because I don't have anyone to exercise with - and I don't eat well - I frequently lump meals together and eat only one or two big meals a day. I don't know why I do it. Maybe it's because I'm home a lot more than usual and I get into the habits of the person I live with. I know I don't wake up nearly as early as I do during the week.

I need to try planning out what I will eat in a day - maybe make a menu and stick with it. No more of this "I'm hungry!" quick fix, fast food junk. I wonder what others do to help with keeping them on track during the weekends.

Red Robin MASSACRE!

This is a story about today that makes me glad that I'm poor. I went out to a late lunch/dinner with a friend. We decided to go to Red Robin - a burger restaurant. I haven't been there in quite some time and when going - would usually order fried cheese sticks and a chocolate malt with my burger. I chose to do the same today without previously looking at calorie information.

I had eaten very little today prior to this - thank goodness. I still went over my calories by A LOT. I ate half the burger and half the cheese sticks, but enjoyed the whole malt and fries. I took my leftover burger and another thing of fries home. The burger meat was substituted with a boca patty, but it didn't make much difference when the calories were out of this world!

I won't be eating there any time soon as I know I'm going to want the same thing and it's just outrageous! I guess it's a good thing that I'm limited to certain restaurants/food because I'm a vegetarian and I'm poor. Makes me want to stick to food around the house!

Tomorrow I'm going to an outdoor get-together (BBQ) that is vegetarian aware/friendly. My immediate family have been the only people to accommodate me and it's nice to make friends that are like that as well. It's very bothersome when you're invited to get-togethers or BBQs where people just blatantly don't care and even say so. Doesn't make me want to be a part/feel truly invited to their event.

Going Overboard

I may be going a little overboard with my calorie experiment this week. I feel like I'm regressing a little. I ate a lot of calories today. I'm not really sure why - but I did. I'm going to attempt calming down on the calories for the rest of the weekend. I think I've gotten it into my head that I need to eat more without actually looking at the patterns. I did enjoy today though. It wasn't rushed, I got to see family and friends. I watched The Ugly Truth, which was a really good movie. It was just a nice, calm day. I will eat better tomorrow. Try to get some healthier food in me.

Metabolism

You can't see it - you don't know exactly how much it burns - but you know everyone has it. It's a very frustrating truth. If I could figure it out, it would give me the answer I need to lose the fat, right? Damnit, metabolism! I realize eat less, exercise more is the standard, but what is eating less? Thedailyplate.com says I need to eat 2,000 calories to lose 2lbs in a week. I have adjusted it to 1,500 because I convinced myself that I would lose more weight if I ate even less. But thinking about yesterday and the 3lb weight loss when I had eaten 2,000 most days out of the week. It's all just confusing. It's nice to be able to go back and look at my calories to see if there are any patterns, but it really sucks that there isn't an easy way to figure it out. It sounds easy - eat less, but how much less? I'll put my numbers together and see if I can find a pattern.

Training - Day 3 - Weigh In

Previous weight: 259lbs

Current weight: 256lbs

Weight lost: 3lbs

I'm not sure what happened this week - but like weeks in the past, I have gotten the 3lb weight loss. I log all of my food on a daily basis with thedailyplate.com. I'm wondering if I'm not eating enough to lose weight. I went over my 1,500 calories most of the days this week and averaged 2,000 a day. I even ate ice cream last night and STILL lost 3lbs. I'm very happy that my body is working with my efforts!

My plan is to see if there are any patterns with the calories I eat and the weight lost. My body may be telling me that I need to eat more calories to actually lose weight. 2,000 will still be a reduction from what I was eating before AND I am eating the healthier foods I want in my body.

So yay me! for a job well done this week. I'm learning my body as I go along and that's great too. :)

Training - Day 2

Today was an awful, horrible day overall. I had to take a video and picture of myself for our training today and I looked like a horribly obese person with fat hanging out everywhere. My voice sounded weird to myself - as if there was fat surrounding my vocal cords preventing me from speaking clearly. I cried privately after seeing myself. I know I'm doing very well making this lifestyle change and I'm happy that I decided this was right for me. I was just shocked to see what I really am and not who I think I am when looking into a mirror.

I went over my calories, but I can't say that I really cared. I know I ate healthy today for the most part and wanted to enjoy a nice ride this evening as well as enjoying some delicious ice cream. It's my life to live and that's what I wanted to do tonight. I guess the scale will be my indicator on what these extra calories are doing to me tomorrow. *shrugs* I feel good about myself and choices this week. I did walk yesterday and today - so that makes me feel good too.

Training - Day 1

Today I ate less than I did yesterday but not by much. It's not because I did poorly throughout the day, so that's a plus! I ate my fruit bowl today as well as other healthy food that made me feel great. My co-workers decided to stuff their faces with fast food burgers. I know my exterior may not show my health, but I know that my choices are facilitating change. It was nice not to partake in that consumption. I ate my lunch when we returned.

The extra calories came in during the evening when I had two cheese filled garlic bread sticks. I didn't realize they were 250 calories a piece until after eating two of them with my dinner. If I wouldn't have eaten them, I would have been fine and met my calories. Oh well - we live and learn. I won't be buying them anymore.

Fast Food and Me

While I haven't been one to get much fast food lately (besides Subway - as I don't consider that fast food), I chose to get Burger King breakfast today. It tasted alright - nothing great. It was on the way to a movie where I proceeded to get popcorn and soda as well. I'm an occasional soda drinker - one every week or so as I drink mostly water.

I ate about 2,000 calories today and I didn't exercise. As I have said it the past, I don't feel bad about my choices (though the breakfast was stupid - I didn't have the stuff at home to eat). I know that I need to go to the store and buy the things I need for healthy meals all the time. Today I got fruit to cut up and have fruit bowls this week for work. I'm excited to try it out as I will be at trainings in the mornings about 1.5 hours away from my job. We'll see what happens this week.

Where's the Light Switch?

I find that when I go back and read things that I have written in the past, there are so many different opinions and thoughts because I haven't truly changed my mind set on the particular idea, person, concept, etc. I know I want to be healthy. It's something I have said for years now. I also know I need to have a certain perspective on food. I'm a vegetarian for goodness sakes - I realize what I'm consuming and why I consume it. I'm aware that the Standard American Diet (SAD) shouldn't be my norm.

On the weekends, I go from planned out meals/snacks to pre-made, processed or fast food. I go from healthy to junk very quickly. I rarely eat breakfast and I consume big meals instead of smaller ones with snacks. I do try getting outside more often, but some times I just hole myself up inside. Trust me, I don't look forward to going to work most days, but I do look forward to the routine that it allows me to have when it comes to food.

Today was a day filled with eating out and not eating too well. I had absolutely nothing to eat at home today. I ate a cheese quesadilla with sour cream, a pickle and Lay's classic chips for lunch. Then I had a little ice cream. Luckily, I was able to go to Mongolian BBQ for dinner and get tofu with lots of good veggies, but even then - I shared a brownie, chocolate, carmel, ice cream dessert with my friends. It's much better than eating it alone, but that's seriously all I ate today. It wasn't a healthy way to go. It was filled with animal products. I didn't go over my calories by too much - but they were mostly just empty, fatty calories to begin with.

My goal is to change my mind. Everyone around me knows that when I set my mind on something - I'm going to do whatever it is that my mind is set on. It's just finding that switch that needs to be flipped.

Pizza, Please!

Alas, today turned into a crappy day at work (asked about a raise - will receive the standard yearly raise this year). My one food weakness has and seems to always be pizza. Since it was a mediocre day, I wanted to get some to come home, but decided that CiCi's Pizza Buffet was a good idea - right. I went over my calories by a few hundred even with walking during break.

It would be helpful if I wasn't so poor so I could buy the ingredients to make a home made vegetarian pizza with veggie cheese. But I am - so I don't. This weekend I have a little extra money so I will be getting things to make mini pizzas at home. We all go through tough times - but Michigan seems to be getting hit extremely hard right now.

Tomorrow is another day - a weekend day! - something else to look forward to. :)

Out to Eat

I don't eat out very often, but once I forgot about my meeting tonight, I knew I had to do something. I would have chosen Subway, but I didn't have any veggie meat/cheese with me so I decided Taco Bell was going to be it for dinner. I had already walked during my break and I walked some when I got home last night so I felt good today. I didn't even go too far over my calories since I had walked.

The thing I find most interesting is how the taste of food changes after you haven't had it for a long time. I went for regular tacos with beans instead of beef and they weren't good. I ended up eating off of them but didn't finish any one taco. I don't mind not enjoying it as I would have in the past. It saves me calories and turns me off from getting it again.

A Pound is a Pound

Previous weight: 260lbs

Current weight: 259lbs

Weight lost: 1lb

A pound is a pound, right? It's not great, but every pound counts and makes a difference. This isn't The Biggest Loser. I'm not going to be able to lose lots of weight in a short period of time safely. I wish I could see my weight dropping more - but I haven't even taken before pictures yet and it has been 9 weeks? Ugh - whatever. I can't really say much more. At least it's one less on my body.

Ahhh! My Head!

I woke up this morning and felt very tired still. I don't know what's going on at my house - but NO ONE sleeps at night besides my measly attempts. The cats are up all night running around and being stupid - the guy has problems sleeping and gets up in the middle of the night to do stuff - and I get woken up so many times that it's really negatively effecting my sleep. I did my normal routine and went to work.

I wasn't able to make it the whole day though. I ended up leaving early. I had a headache that made my face feel like it was melting. I slept for a few hours and feel refreshed afterwards. I wasn't able to get any exercise in today - oh well. I'm sure I'll still be able to get to sleep tonight. I wish that everyone else would too!

Worn Out

I would have to say this is the best alternative exercise there could be. I am so exhausted from all the work! I feel bad leaving my sister to do the rest by herself, but I just couldn't do any more. I guess knowing my limits is a good thing. I used to complain when I would help her do things - now I just know when I need to be done doing it. We got a lot accomplished and she has tomorrow to finish anything else that she needs to.

I did alright with food these past couple of days. I did what I could with the time that I had. I can't constantly eat when I'm doing other things on the weekend like I can during the week at work. I'm not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I'm starting to get a headache tonight too - yuck! Time to relax and prepare myself.

Helping Hand

Today and tomorrow I will be making up for the lack of work I did yesterday by assisting my sister with some home improvement tasks. I know we will be eating lunch out both days - but it should work out okay since I will be doing a lot of physical work. I really don't mind helping either. It gets me working. :)

Update: It wasn't too bad today. I was there for hours doing lots of different stuff but it was nice to help my sister. I was able to come home and enjoy my evening. I have to go back early in the morning, but that shouldn't be too big of a deal. We'll see what happens tomorrow!

Poor Planning

Due to a lack of planning today - I over ate - a lot. I ate a decent meal before leaving the house to head out to a football game. I ate nachos with cheese and popcorn. Though afterwards, I decided that taco bell would be a good idea. While it was yummy - it took up a lot of calories. And with my poor planning today - I didn't exercise. I didn't do anything that I could consider exercise either.

I'm hesitant to say that I feel bad about it/be mad at myself. I know I'm doing good. It's all a journey and while we each have our own individual destinations to reach - I think enjoying and learning through our journey is the most important thing. I don't want to feel bad that I ate too much when I'm only eating 1,500 calories a day. The Standard American Diet (SAD) allows for at least 2,000 and more if you're exercising. So I'm exercising to lose weight and eating 1/4 less calories than the SAD. I should be proud to do all that I'm doing.

I haven't had a sudden mind change to start working my ass off and I don't think I'm going to. I think it's going to be a gradual thing that I work towards every day. I think it would be more helpful if I was happy in my environment - I feel I would do much more if that was the case.

Ker*Plunked

Today, I am just tired. I walked with my sister during my break from work. I was just so dead. I'm not really sure why. It's so early and I'm so tired. Tonight is going to be very uneventful. Hopefully I can get enough sleep to feel refreshed for the rest of the weekend.

I did have a great yearly evaluation at work. Made me feel good for a minute until the reality that I don't make nearly enough money for the work I do kicked in but I'm too much of a p*ssy to ask for a raise.

Oh well! Tomorrow is another day! Lets see how that goes, shall we? :) I will leave you with a picture of my baby kittay when I found him - that will make me feel better!

Overload

Wow! Today was a crazy day. I went over on my calorie goal - but that's mostly because I did A LOT of exercise today and I felt like I needed to. I walked 55 minutes today AND mowed with a power push mower for over an hour. I made good choices of Subway for dinner after mowing though. I did eat some cookies that were around and tasty - but why not - I did a lot today!

I'm feeling good about it all, but I'm overly tired. Just working for the weekend and glad that it's finally going to start tomorrow after work.

Safe!

Previous weight: 260lbs

Current weight: 260lbs

Weight lost: 0lbs

Wow - I can't believe it! I'm very happy that I didn't have a gain this weekend. It just goes to show that you can enjoy/treat yourself some times without having to worry about the negative consequences/regret. I obviously didn't lose any weight - but at least I haven't had a gain yet.

Beyond all that - today has been a day of thought and exploration. Exploring ideas for my future. I had a very nice walk and talk with my sister today. It helps to be able to get things out some times - no matter how weird they may be. Yay! for today and hopes for a good loss next week!

Back to Work

I had a rough night's sleep. I was tossing and turning most of the night. I fell asleep late and paid for it all night. I'm blogging early tonight so I can get to bed after my laundry is finished. My work day today was busy and I found myself completely unsatisfied with my place of employment. Oh well - at least I have a job, right? :)

Besides all that junk - I ate well today! I did go over my calories today by less than 100. I would say that's a lot better than the 1,000 I went over most days this weekend. I ate some needless calories, but I'm pleased with my eating today.

I also was able to go walking during my work break. It did make my day go better after I was able to talk to my sister a little bit and walk it off. I did some fast and slow walking, but walked for the majority of my break. I felt good about the exercising I did today as well.

I highly doubt any of this is going to be good enough to lose weight tomorrow. I'm disappointed in myself. I wish I did a better job this week and weekend. It's good motivation to do better each day and prioritize myself and activities.

So good night friends - lets see what tomorrow brings!

Getting into the Groove

I did a little better today than I have this weekend. I'm not back to work and thus not back to planning meals and snacks. I ate less today - which is a good start. I'm sure tomorrow will be much better as there won't be any perceived temptations.

I can't wait until I get to the point to where I don't have to worry about all this stuff. I can understand that one cupcake is okay - but not six! It's all about moderation and getting the nutrition that I need.

I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow. Back to the grind, I suppose.

My Birthday - cont 2!

Today was the day for the family birthday BBQ. I have to say it has been a nice birthday weekend! :D It's always fun to have those. But it was full of food and empty calories. More cupcakes, leftovers and calorie filled BBQ items such as potato salad. My body doesn't even know what to do with all the junk I have eaten. I don't eat many animal products on a daily basis, but this weekend was filled with them. I'm going to attempt to do the best I can starting tomorrow (even though I don't have to work). I'm going to mow the lawn, eat better - even though I may have my last cupcake - and make sure my week is set for good (healthy) eating!

I have also noticed this weekend that I go with the flow of eating. If someone has a cupcake - I will have one too. If they have two cupcakes - I will have two as well. It's a bad habit to have and I really need to break it. I also need to NOT have that in the house as I did for my birthday. I also need to get my sleep in order since I have been going to bed later and later each night that I'm off. Another day - another try. :)

My Birthday - cont!

Today was a day of leftovers (Thai, cobbler, ice cream), another celebration of dinner and the beginning of the funfetti "giant" cupcakes. Lets just say that it didn't go well. These past couple of days I have been eating like I ate before I started this venture. I have a feeling it won't end until the weekend ends. I don't know what it is about over-eaters or people with food problems - but it certainly sucks when it comes to the SAD (Standard American Diet) of eating out and desserts. I have been fairly active and have seen the outside of my home, but I'm sure it's not going to be enough for this upcoming weigh-in. Being healthy is truly a lifestyle and I need to figure out a way to coordinate it with celebrations and all aspects of life - not just my at work life.

My Birthday!

Today was a great day to spend with people close to me. It also turned out to be a great day to eat. I suppose you should allot yourself more calories on celebration days, right? Either way - I went WAY over my calorie goal for today. I ate good food - some mediocre food - drank beer and had a great day. Not every day is going to be perfect and that's okay! I don't really celebrate the 4th of July so I won't be drinking or having any lavish bbq's.

The birthday celebrations don't end today though. I'm sure there will be more tomorrow and Sunday. A cool down and attempt to get back into the swing of things Monday will be a great start to a new week as well. I don't plan to go over my calorie goal every day this weekend. I should be able to keep it simple the next few days.

I did some good alternative exercise today. I don't have to clean my place of residence often because someone else does - but I knew I was having my sister over that is highly allergic to my kittys. I decided to take 2 hours in the morning to vacuum all of the furniture, floor, dust and do anything possible to make it a better experience for her. I'm glad I was able to get it out of the way because I wouldn't have wanted to do it later.

First Day Off

Today was the first day of a 5 day birthday weekend! I stayed under my calorie goal for the day. The quality of the food is questionable as I ate a bit of animal products today causing me to consume cholesteral. Otherwise, I reached most appropriate levels for fat, carbs and protein. I was also able to do some alternative exercise. I'm pleased with today. I'm not sure what's going to happen tomorrow (my birthday!) - only time will tell!

Decreasing the Fat

Previous weight: 263lbs

Current weight: 260lbs
Weight lost: 3lbs

Yay! I'm in the double digits of weight loss! I was asked this morning about my first goal for this adventure. I don't have a first goal. My goal is to get healthy and feel like a 25 year old. Then thinking about it a little more, I would say every 10lbs would be a great thing to celebrate for me. That seems realistic and would probably be around a once a month celebration. So, yay! for reaching my first goal!

I would like to get my steady weight down to 200lbs (have 60 more to go) and see how I feel at that point. I would love to do that by the end of the year. If I continue losing at least 2lbs a week, I will definitely get close. I don't want to get in over my head, but starting next year off strong would be a great feeling. Time flies so quickly now that I'm sure December will be here before I know it! We'll take our next family picture at that point. My sister and I should both be much happier with ourselves/willing to partake in that.

Sugar, Children and Dumbbells

A co-worker brought in some 2lb weights for my when I go walking around work during my break. It's really nice to take exercise breaks instead of lunch breaks. It keeps my energy up for the rest of my day! They began noticing after about the third week that I was walking around my place of employment during my breaks. They have been really encouraging and have gotten the children at my work to start chanting/cheering me on. It's nice to know that people are behind me and in support of what I'm doing. It makes me continue going strong.

I used to be very tired during lunch breaks as I would eat the pizza that's sold around the corner and sit in the lobby falling asleep every day. Some times I would get snacks out of the vending machines (super sugary) or cheaper snacks from my work in high quantities. I have cut down on the bad snacks and only have them once in a while when I feel I need to. I have been bringing my lunch to work every day since I started and it has been great. I eat throughout the day and limit big meals. I get all the nutrients I need and can spread it out to eat when I'm hungry.

On top of all of this today, I read and article on the livestrong website about

children and sugar. The article was tips on how to limit the sugar intake of children so they don't become addicted/have a taste for it later in life. I don't have any children, but they made some excellent points for those that do. By giving children lots of fruits (with natural sugar) and vegetables and allowing them to get a taste for it instead. Children

don't come with a manual, but I wonder what my parents did with my when I was a child. If they allowed me to eat sugary foods or

they gave me natural food. I would assume the former as I'm in this predicament for a reason. *shrugs* Just random thoughts.

Stronger than Before

I know I have mentioned my knee problems in the blog already. The only time they really hurt is at work what I'm sitting down with them bent all day. They feel good when I'm walking or standing. They also don't hurt as much when I get up from sitting. I used to have to push myself up with the assistance of my arms to decrease the pain, but now I can use my legs to get up from a sitting position.

It's nice to feel the transformations in my body. I don't really see much of it or feel it with my clothes yet. I'm sure it will take time for this to happen, but I'm becoming stronger and it feels good. I think about the wrestling competition that's going on in a few days and would love to be a part of it, but I'm just not strong enough yet. I would love for people to be able to vote/gamble on me to win something like that. It's motivation to get up and do more!

Roller Derby Fun!

I joined a roller derby league two years ago and have become one of the original members that have stuck it out for so long. I decided that it was a lot of work for me at my current weight as I wasn't able to get past very basic skills due to a lack of balance, knee strength and a general too heaviness about me. I figured if I continued to attempt it at my weight, I would eventually hurt myself.

We had a scrimmage last night. I was keeping score and watching the girls skate around me. It's a really awesome sport with great people. I haven't lost the dream of skating again or being on this great team of women.

It's hard to be so heavy and uncomfortable enough to disengage myself from something that's very enjoyable. Allowing my weight to come in the way of how I want to live my life is absolutely shitty. I realize what happened every time that I have lost weight and gained it back. I can only use that knowledge now to stay away from those reasons.

I will skate again. I will be a great blocker - knocking chicks down without them knowing what hit 'em. I'm always going to be big and I'm perfectly happy with that - but I'd rather be an "overweight" big with muscles than an "obese" big with fat.

Life Changes

This is a process that lasts a lifetime. Should we jump into the process of losing weight and becoming healthy? Or do we ease into it and let it change us over time? I'm not sure if I'm doing enough or if I should be exercising for hours a day as I have in the past. As the old saying goes: slow and steady wins the race, right?

We're not on the Biggest Loser. We don't have trainers at our disposal all day every day. We don't have the opportunity to exercise and learn about what to eat without having to work or have home life getting in the way.

Should more be done on the days when we have time to relax? What benefits our bodies the most? Is it easier to do at home or at a gym?

It's a life change but it's consuming my time and thoughts. I wish it could be a natural thing to exercise and eat right. It would have been nice to start life like that. To eliminate the urges to eat "bad" food and be lazy. It would be nice if there wasn't even bad food invented. There shouldn't be processed food or TV dinners. It should be natural and inexpensive. It's something we need to sustain life, not become obese while others are starving.

Life and Death

My dad's life motto seems to be "Death is Certain, Life is Not". As someone that doesn't want anything to do with death because every time I think of someone close to be dying I break out in tears for hours - it's a very true motto to have. He has it tattooed on his arm with death (a skull or grim reaper - or idk) and I have ideas of getting it on me as well one day.

This doesn't have anything to do with weight loss. It has more to do with physical appearance and death. It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside - Farrah Fawcett died and she looked like she was in her 40s (thanks to whatever surgeries she has had, I'm sure). It's how we treat our bodies and take care of our mind that gets us to an old age.

My dad is right - death will come for all of us (and as I say that my eyes swell with tears). But we are all trying to make sure that we live a little longer by getting ourselves healthy - not skinny and the type of pretty we see in movies but truly healthy and happy.

RIP Michael Jackson - your music has touched us all.

After Work Extravaganza

Well - not really. I made it through my day keeping under my calorie goal. I really didn't want to walk the stairs today. It was another hot one so I decided to wait until after work. Luckily it had rained a little and cooled down the temp right before I wanted to walk. I was very close to skipping it today. I've been consistent and have only missed one day of 30 minute exercise in about a month now. Not too shabby!

Due to the nature of my extracurricular activities, I have free access to a gym/rec center. I'm thinking about adjusting my schedule a little to attempt making it over there on those hot days. I really want to stick to cardio - and thinking I may go during my hour break (1pm-2pm) and possibly after work. That will be within an hour of eating lunch and dinner. My metabolism should be increased while I'm eating or shortly after eating.

When I started this journey an hour of exercise a day didn't seem too out there. It still doesn't. It's just locating the time I want to use for that hour and just doing it. I don't think I'm going to start this new idea and increased daily exercise next week as it's a short work week (and my birthday!). I will start it the 6th of July. I should be able to build up the want within a week.

Down on the Scale

Previous weight: 264lbs

Current weight: 263lbs

Weight lost: 1lb

I'm not feeling bad this week for my 1lb loss. I figure a lifestyle change is happening and it's going to take time to drop the weight. If I was going and exercising for an hour+ a day, it would probably drop faster, but I'm doing what seems reasonable to me right now. I'm gaining the motivation to do more. To raise my time, to vary my exercises, to eat better, etc.

Today I decided that it was WAY too hot to go outside and walk. Even worse than yesterday. I tried something new today. I went up the stairs (3 flights) to the 4th floor, walked around that floor, went down the stairs to the 1st floor (3 flights) and walked around that floor. I repeated this for 45 minutes. I was going to stop at 30 minutes but went the extra 15 minutes today. My heart was racing when I was going up those stairs. It felt good though.

My knees have been hurting a lot for the past, goodness knows how long. I think doing the stairs and bike will help straighten them. Plus, getting the weight off will be a lot of pressure lifted off of them. That's really my only physical limitation/problem that my weight has caused. I don't have any diseases, no high blood pressure, no high cholesterol - I'm doing pretty good.

Hot - Hot - Hot!

It was waaay too hot outside today to do outdoor activities and learning from an awful night's sleep of tossing and turning, I decided I would do something a little earlier than right before bed. I ended up watching Magnolia and rode the stationary bike for 30 minutes. Maybe it's just the bike or maybe it was me - but it's SO uncomfortable!!! I made it through my 30 minutes because I had to but got a pillow for a cushion so it didn't hurt so much.

Tomorrow's going to be another hot day! I may try to walk up and down the stairs at my work - I know that will get my heart beating, it's air conditioned and there won't be many people around. When it gets a little cooler - I'll head back outside for my walks, but I cannot take the heat.

Late Night Activities

I know it's not recommended to do physical activities (for

exercise) shortly before going to bed - but it's becoming so hot

outside - it's one of the two good times to do them (the other

being the morning and some

times that's not possible).

Tonight I just finished mowing

the lawn. I consider this

physical activity as part of my exercise because it increases my

heart rate and I normally wouldn't have done it at all in the past. I

have recently started to mow family members yards as well to get

up, outside and moving. Nice paid bonus in it as well! :D

I will get up earlier in the morning (5am, eeek) and attempt to do

my half hour exercise. I will have the rest of the day if I decide I

want to do more. I bought some products to clean my motorcycle

with as it's getting a bit dirty so I will make that a goal for my late

night activity tomorrow night as well.

Memories

Due to the nature of the holiday typically celebrated today, pictures were brought out and re-discovered. I realized that while talking about these pictures a lot of the conversation consisted of weight by the younger people and memories from the older people involved. I thought about it while we were reminiscing and am very curious why there is such an obsession over weight.

I realize I am overweight - obese even - but I don't want my future children to look back at pictures and end up focusing on peoples weight. The obsession comes when people aren't happy with their weight. There wasn't any talk about health just appearance.

I don't want my children to look back and say their mom was fat and compare to however I may be when I have them. I also don't want them to have to worry about weight. I'm very curious what I ate when I was younger - what happened to get me to this point - what not to do with my children so they don't have to focus on it when we're looking back at pictures. I want to share the memories of the good times and excitement of their childhoods.

First Day of Nothing

I didn't exercise today. It just went by and I did nothing. It has been over three weeks of exercise every day and today nothing happened that I could even feel good about/feel like exercise. Need to re-evaluate priorities. Need to consciously do things. Need to look at the big picture.

Jumped on the Bandwagon

Alright - well - I did okay at the buffet tonight. My friends and I were having dinner in celebration of an upcoming birthday and I decided to eat a little more than allotted. I didn't do as bad as I would prior to this journey of getting healthy. I had four small pieces of pizza (did not eat the crust), five cheese bread squares (3 small, 2 large), a salad, two glasses of sweet tea (approx. 32 oz), two small cinnamon buns and a small brownie. I ate light the rest of the day.

It all tasted good, it was a really nice time out and I didn't feel bad for it. I'm sure I could be more stern with myself, but some times you end up jumping on the bandwagon. It was with good friends in time of celebration. We also ended up forgoing berry frozen yogurt from Coldstone Creamery. If I wasn't counting calories, I would have felt alright with what I ate, knowing it was still a lot less than I would have ate before - so I'm still feeling that and I'm okay with it.

Won't Get ME

Today was a great day! I took a nice 30 minute medium paced walk and 20 minute fast paced walk. I also planned my food out well for the whole day today (had a late meeting). I came in under my calorie goal AND I didn't feel tempted to eat anything even though I stopped and got fast food for someone else on my way home.

Tomorrow will be interesting - I'm going to a buffet and know that my calories will add up quickly. Going to eat very little in the morning/afternoon in preparation for it. I'm also going to figure out calories before I go there so I know what my limit is going to be. Only time will tell what happens.

Theme Song

- Hiya Piggy!
- Hi Kermie!
- You wanna go exercise?
- Sure, Kermie!
- Let's go!

I'm an obese girl in an overweight world
Fat in limiting, it's disgusting
You can see my rolls, even under clothesss
Muffin top, is my own creation

Come on, Piggy, let's go exercise!

I'm an obese girl in an overweight world
Fat in limiting, it's disgusting
You can see my rolls, even under clothesss
Muffin top, is my own creation

I'm a "big beautiful women" in my only world
Look in a mirror, have regret, I'm your example
You're my champ, jump and spin, feel the tight clothes and restriction
Drop it here, tighten there, slimmin'-down

You can help, you can encourage
If you say I'm going to lose it, oooh whoa

I'm an obese girl in an overweight world
Fat in limiting, it's disgusting
You can see my rolls, even under clothesss
Muffin top, is my own creation

Come on, Piggy, let's go exercise, ha ha ha, yeah
Come on, Piggy, let's go exercise, oooh, oooh
Come on, Piggy, let's eat healthy, ha ha ha, yeah
Come on, Piggy, let's eat healthy, oooh, oooh

Make me walk, make me pedal, do whatever will help
I can decrease my food, I can increase my moves
Come jump rope, do a lap, let us go for a swim
Hit the gym, hit the floor, let's go exercise

You can help, you can encourage
If you say I'm going to lose it
You can help, you can encourage
If you say I'm going to lose it

Come on, Piggy, let's go exercise, ha ha ha, yeah
Come on, Piggy, let's go exercise, oooh, oooh
Come on, Piggy, let's eat healthy, ha ha ha, yeah
Come on, Piggy, let's eat healthy, oooh, oooh

I'm an obese girl in an overweight world
Fat in limiting, it's disgusting
You can see my rolls, even under clothesss
Muffin top, is my own creation

I'm an obese girl in an overweight world
Fat in limiting, it's disgusting
You can see my rolls, even under clothesss
Muffin top, is my own creation

Come on, Piggy, let's go exercise, ha ha ha, yeah
Come on, Piggy, let's go exercise, oooh, oooh
Come on, Piggy, let's eat healthy, ha ha ha, yeah
Come on, Piggy, let's eat healthy, oooh, oooh

- Oh, what a life change!
- Well, Piggy, we're just getting started!
- Oh, I love you Kermie!

Watch Out Scale ...

Previous weight: 265lbs
Current weight: 264lbs
Weight lost: 1lb

... here I come ...

Alright - I'm not as triumphant as I would like to be this morning.

I can see why people just quit attempting to lose weight. Logging food and exercise, constantly thinking about it and not getting the results you want at the end of the week. It's disheartening but I realize I need to do more in order to get more out of it.

I'll add 15 minutes of the new/old bike I got at a yard sale recently to my daily walk and hope I will start seeing bigger changes. I'll also NOT eat stupid the night before a weigh-in. Lets see if either of these help.